Letters

I just had a few letters I was writing..thought you might like to read them..

Dear P90X Ab Ripper X:
I'm going to be perfectly honest here, I don't like you. Although I'm going to probably do exactly as you tell me and while that does upset me, I do feel you have my best intentions at heart.
Linz

Dear Shins:
I understand I need you for certain things like making my legs look normal and probably walking but if you keep giving me piercing pain in my attempt to be an active person I'm going to have to get mad. Also stop hurting as we speak.
Linz

Dear Utah Drivers:
Okay fine. I may have cut you off today but that's only because you never understand that roundabouts have specific instructions to yield not stop. Therefore, I feel it is my privilege to go first while you sit and wait while 6 cars pass around till you get it.
P.S. And yes I do like to use my horn in 3 instances: when I think you're being an idiot, when I know you're being and idiot, and when I need to be somewhere. Idiot.
Linz

Dear The Bachelorette:
Thank you so much for coming back into my life. Otherwise I'd have to use up the 2 hours a week you give me by doing something useful like reading or enjoying fresh air. I am forever indebted to you for the endless guy fights, awkward conversations, non-realistic love, and over the top drama we call prime-time entertainment. Thank you. Also please keep Roberto.
Linz

Dear My Provo Dating Life:
I've been thinking a lot about you lately and I've decided it's time we see other people. We've had lots of good memories like when we went on that date where I got told I looked homely or when we either went up Provo Canyon or played mini golf for the billionth time. Listen it's been fun but if I meet another one of your losers who thinks 'business, just business' is a good career move and that I'm even remotely interested that you wear knock off True Religion jeans, I'm just gonna have to blow my brains out. Thanks for the good times and not so good times.
Love, but not really.
Linz